Half way

Fifteen days doesn't sound like very much. But I can almost guarantee that without this challenge, I would not have created any artwork during this time- that would have been over 2 weeks, half of a month, of not doing something I love, that I'm pursuing. Now, I have fifteen days where I have something to show for my existence. There were entire years that flew by without me feeling I had that much to show!

This bumpy road I'm on has felt like it was going to bring me right into the ditch a handful of times. I'm slowly starting to remember some important lessons about taking care of myself - as a whole, and to valuing my passions. I've been reminded about who I am as a person, and the strength I possess within myself. While I sometimes feel like I lack far more than I have to offer, there's still something there. Without taking good care of my mind, body and soul it is easy to feel completely depleted after so many bumps. I have a tendency to continue attempting to "give" to others even when feeling this way, neglecting myself, which only drags me into a deeper state of unhealthy. Giving myself this task of painting on a daily basis has been a constant, "simple" way to remind myself to do something for me...and this also gives back some degree of control in my life...it was my choice to do it, and it is my choice to continue. It awakens that awareness that we often times do get a choice in so much more than we may realize. Just feeling like you have even the smallest chance to choose how you spend just a tiny sliver of your day can be a really big deal!

There have been some difficult days the past few weeks. Having a chance to do what I love (even if it isn't in the way I ideally want to do it), has been such a positive thing. If a small painting is the best thing that happened that day, I'll take it - I created! Not to mention, the therapeutic effects of art are so valuable. This gives me an outlet for whatever is going on inside to do what it needs to do - whether I just need to "zone out" or I need to process something or I just need a physical way to release something.



Day 15

Some of the recent paintings, I brought in techniques I haven't used since college - sandpaper and exacto-knives. I used to use these tools on my charcoal drawings to create interesting texture. There was something therapeutic about the physical effort involved. Using these techniques in watercolor has been therapeutic in the same way. It has been interesting to see how the added texture reacts to this new, colorful medium.

I've been asked if I'm "happy" with the paintings... it isn't really about being happy, or about selling them, or anything like that... I knew I needed a kick in the pants to remember it is ok to put creating on my priorities list, and to take care of myself. So the fact that I am actually doing the task, that I am happy with. The paintings, well, I'm just trying to let them be whatever they happen to be...to not judge them- it would be easy to jump to negative judgments as I'm still quite uncomfortable with this medium and don't know what I'm doing! I want to make sure I remain open to this medium, rather than get in my head about how it should be done, how it should look, if the painting for the day is good enough to post - the task is one painting a day...not paint until I get one that I think is awesome (I'll never sleep!). I have had some I absolutely hated, which were painful to post, but that's a part of the deal. ;) And who knows, maybe someone will like it. That's the beauty about art.

I was hoping I'd have some really interesting things to say, but this is all I've got right now...