Day 1...A new challenge.

Almost immediately, I started having second thoughts and regrets about this new challenge idea...

I didn't get much sleep, I woke up anxious, with all sorts of other silly issues... I've been trying out meditation (or what I think is meditation) each morning, for about 10-20 minutes to hopefully change the way I wake up to be more positive and gentle rather than stress-filled. Admittedly, I didn't even want to do that! But I did.

This challenge has been tugging at me since I've decided to do it, but once again, it feels like a million things are in the way and the excitement I felt about it initially has already drained a decent amount.

Well, there will never be a "perfect time" to start...

After the first two lines on the paper I could tell I was trying too hard and was stuck in my head. The thing that I loved about the couple of watercolor paintings I did last year was that I could just feel it out-not think through it. It was a freeing experience. Not even a minute into this challenge and I was already screwing it up. :P

It was interesting to just watch the levels of discomfort and discouragement appear. Boy we sure can beat ourselves up... I've been following the work of Kyle Cease, and this is something he talks about a lot. But if we can remain "in the room" often times we'll see a lot of this fear and negativity just disappear. And if not, it is an opportunity to examine it a bit closer - which leads you to a deeper understanding of yourself.

One of my issues was I had this mentality that I should complete the paintings quickly...well that's just ridiculous, I don't really work that way when it comes to art. It is based off of feeling. I can't rush it, and I can't just put forth partial effort. I started feeling the pressure of time - an hour is already gone! But eventually, I realized I'm going to be incredibly disappointed in myself and my work if I work this way. So ignoring the clock, I got myself back in the zone...

I was obviously fighting this whole "freeing" experience on a variety of levels, I'm not feeling free in any way in my life right now though. It took a bit of time, but eventually I remembered the fact that this experience is mine...and it CAN be freeing, even if other parts of my life aren't feeling that way. I just have to adjust a few things. I had a million fears and a million more reasons to doubt this idea and my ability and if this was stupid or not, if anyone will like it, if I will even like what I create, etc when I came up with the idea, so of course they're all going to appear again when I actually begin, and at full force! But at one point in time, I saw value/potential in this project. I have no way of predicting where it will go, and I have no expectations. In the very least, I get to experiment with art, and with a medium I am not familiar with or at all comfortable with - and I love learned new things and playing in this way! And one of the most basic ideas behind this is to just DO art. That is never a waste in my eyes!

Anyway...this is kind of rambly and I'm not sure the purpose... I guess I just wanted to make note of some of the feelings I experienced right off the bat. I think a lot of us feel nervous and scared when faced with something new/unknown. And I think that can be a big enough reason we sometimes run in the opposite direction. But it is important to remember we get to make that choice.

While I still feel all sorts of stuff I'd rather not feel, I am glad to have jumped in and I am working to open myself back up to this experiment, fully. Here we go....

Day 1:

 

 

 

These paintings will be available for 24 hours after posting them on a first come first serve basis for $5 through my facebook artist page  If they are still available after that time frame, I get to send to whoever I want (family, friend, stranger, etc!).

 

If you can not afford the fee but would like the opportunity to get one of these at some point, private message me on my artist page and I can collect a list so in case I need some ideas of who to send some too. :) (no guarantees and it will be randomly selected)