Day 30 / 30 ... the end.

Day 30 / 30

Well, this is it. The final painting of the 30 day challenge.

There were days when 30 seemed overwhelming. Towards the end, the feeling flip-flopped from still feeling overwhelming, to feeling this panic of 30 not being nearly enough. There were techniques I would have loved to explore deeper, yet I felt this "pressure" to try new things.

I haven't had the chance to fully reflect yet... but it really has been an interesting project for me. It was fun to see what would pop out each day, as I never had a plan/vision. It was really nice to create, every single day. It was even really fun to see my mom get into it and follow along - even though I'm sure she thinks some of these are really weird. I joined a few groups on facebook for watercolor and abstract art, and suddenly my newsfeed got prettier - and while I felt out of place in those groups, people were accepting. This project helped motivate me to do my daily meditation (though I did miss a couple days), and was in a way, a type of meditation in itself - to just let whatever was inside come out in a unique way. As silly as it may sound, it was a great reminder to all sorts of life lessons - amazing how these can be reinforced quite naturally when dealing in a language you understand and enjoy.

I plan to scan all of them in, and possibly rephotograph all of them in natural light since that wasn't always possible. And I am looking forward to seeing them all together. After that, I will begin the next step - getting rid of them all, whether to those who requested them, or random unsuspecting people. ;)

During a Kyle Cease seminar a few years ago, he ended it with assigning us to choose something to do for 21 days in a row - since that is the amount of time it takes to establish a habit. It was a cool idea, and the range of topics was unreal. Nervous about committing to anything as I enjoyed each day being new and open, I think that help me embrace this type of commitment - it made me think about what I want to have in my life on a daily basis that I wasn't making a priority anymore... and it gave back some degree of power/control that I felt I no longer had over my own life - granted I did get horribly ill and missed a couple days due to the fact I couldn't move without getting sick, but I ended up extending that project and it was so helpful (that particular one, I chose to do my physical therapy/workouts daily - as I had done for such a long time, until I just sort of stopped and always struggled to get back into that routine).

During the final days of this recent project, I found myself thinking of how I could use this format to accomplish other ideas I've been sitting on for far too long or how to use it to reprioritize what is important to me. The results I've been having, the thoughts and feelings, the whole process has been really fulfilling. Last year, I created/gave away 12+ pieces of art and learned so much along the way. So far in 2016, I've now added 30 new paintings to my life and learned and relearned even more. I can't even explain how exciting that is, and for so many reasons!

While I would love to jump into another project right away, I have realized there are a lot of loose ends to tie up and I want to complete this project fully - sending out the paintings, editing/posting the rest of the video time lapses, etc. I also have a few loose ends from last year's giveaways to wrap up.

Thank you to those who followed along, commented, and/or wanted these little creations.

I highly suggest considering a 21-30 day project of your own if you share similar feelings like I had, that  the priorities in your life could use some adjusting. :) Otherwise, stay tuned, I'm sure I'll have plenty more of my own to work on in creative ways. ;)

4 AM Rambling

Day 21 / 30

There is no expectation of art to give me a masterpiece, to fix my problems, to make me feel good. When I just do it, just to do it, it is such a unique feeling. The results don't matter, it is the process. By engaging in creating, I allow myself to be me...better yet, I allow myself to just BE. It can provide an outlet for whatever is going on inside. Or it could just simply be the "breather" I so desperately needed but didn't know how to give myself. It can let things calm down, it is a chance to recenter. I can physically translate invisible, intangible, indescribable feelings.

All of this is so much more meaningful than having a "masterpiece" to show off. The benefits of creative outlets are unlimited and can't be put into words, there is no knowing where it could lead. There isn't an end goal as an artist for me - I strive to just keep creating, exploring, experimenting, learning, growing and welcome the never ending path that is filled with unknowns that can lead to more than I ever imagined. There's really only one way to find out what is even possible, and that is to start, to do.

I am in awe of some of the things this medium is showing me. When I let it do its thing, I feel like I am simply collaborating with the medium,  and the things that happen are crazy! While I may be far more excited than I should be, just the way the water moves is fascinating. The way the colors mix. How suddenly a piece can just start glowing. I don't fully understand how some of it happens. But it is pretty flippin' cool.

Now apply all of what I've just written to life... letting life do its thing and collaborating with it rather than forcing it to be what I think it should be. Amazing things can happen, unexpectedly and beyond understanding... - it is important to note this isn't always "good" but regardless, there is always some lesson, some opportunity to grow, something to gain... so even with the bad, all is not lost.

Plus, no matter the results, things are just more fun this way. ;)

Day 19 frustrations and lessons - no where to hide...

Today's painting was frustrating.

By Day 19 I should have an idea of what I'm doing and be able to consistently turn out great work, right? - a good reminder not to let expectations like that run the show. Today's experiment, however, just couldn't seem to find balance...

I woke up extra dizzy (I'm actually dizzy on a daily basis, constantly) and just "out of whack" in a few ways, but just fine in others...things throughout the day have slowly followed suit, however, "losing balance"...to the point where my painting set up flipped over, sending my water flying, along with my painting-which took about 5 minutes to locate and too much time to clean up the mess. I had to jump between video recording devices again for a variety of reasons, both devices fell too many times to count - this should be a fun one to edit. :P And throughout the painting, I just couldn't get the elements to balance for some reason - no matter how hard I tried. The paper started losing its strength and was getting ridiculously bent up. I had to stop simply because I was sure I'd end up with a piece of garbage pretty soon! Seriously, this was not a pretty process today. A reminder to learn how to just let go instead of forcing, perhaps?

While I'm not thrilled with it, it actually is a pretty fitting depiction of how I feel today, inside and out...unbalanced and messy.  I don't want to share it, and I don't want to feel this way either. But, here it is.

I have loved the fact that art has been a wonderful outlet to take the painful, unpleasant stuff of life, and turn it into beauty...but the result isn't always beautiful. Art is not straight forward, there is not a right or wrong answer, and often times you have more failures than successes... those are the parts people don't see - the loads of art that were started and never finished, the massive amounts that were thrown away or painted over. So what you usually end up seeing is the very small percentage of art that the artist actually felt worked... the stuff that did turn out beautiful, and inspiring, that people want to buy or wish they were capable of creating. (I'm typing as I'm thinking through this by the way) I love having art in my life, but it isn't always easy, or fun, or pretty. As mentioned, a lot of times it stems from the unpleasant.

My rule for myself in this project was to do ONE painting a day, and no matter how it turned out, I had to throw it out into the world. Of course I secretly hoped every single one would be amazing, but realistically, I knew there was a good chance that wouldn't be the case... in fact, considering how new this medium is to me and how uncomfortable I am, there was an even bigger chance of most paintings being "failures"... and for some reason I still thought this project was a good idea. ;)

In a sense, this set up forces me to show my flaws and failures. I really didn't think this through. ;) But I guess it is more honest.

Anyway...despite the failures and the ugly parts, there is always something to learn.