Goodbye, Hello, and on we go...

On December 31. 2017, just before midnight, I wrapped up and finished my final song of my 2017 music project  ... I have not had much time for reflection, but I can tell you I have been very thankful for this project all year, even during the frustrating moments.

Music was my first love, yet some how was completely slipping out of my life. Becoming an adult with adult obligations, a normal job at one point, and then health issues that lead to other struggles eventually started to drown out the things I really truly loved. Over the past few years, I have decided to give myself little "challenges" -- this started after attending a Kyle Cease event, where he gave us "homework" in the form of a personal challenge. He encouraged us to find something important to us that we wanted to incorporate into our life, to help us start shifting into living the way we truly would like to live. The challenge was just for a month or so - it only takes that long to help create a healthy habit for yourself, though some people did longer - and once you start, you may end up wanting to continue, as it becomes a part of your life. My first personal challenge was to prioritize my physical health. I had been struggling to get my physical therapy/workouts in daily, as I once had and I could feel it. All the hard work I had done was melting back into more severe pain. The challenge was about me relearning how to prioritize something that is actually very important to me. It was so easy for me to let my priorities slip, and let life or other people choose for me. It was immensely helpful to do this in a challenge form, and once I started, I felt positive effects immediately, and I remember how quickly the negative effects hit, which helped further motivate me. From there, I have had projects/challenges for meditation, art giveaways (one per month for a year), painting (two 30 day challenges), and most recently, this music project (one tiny original song every month for a year). These have ALL helped me so much! Each one was initiated because I became aware of an imbalance...I realized that I needed to take initiative to shift my own life towards my true priorities. Because these challenges targeted things I truly want to have as a part of my normal day to day life, they've now stuck. I workout daily (unless sick or if the entire day is completely packed - such as days I am photographing a wedding), I meditate daily (even if it is brief), creativity is a more solid part of my life (and has helped open me up to galleries and events and actually being an active, displaying, creating artist), and this past year, just about every single one of my instruments was used as was my new computer (making good use of what I have, right now), learning soooooo much in the process. I didn't consider it a challenge quite like these, but I also have done an elimination diet at one point to try to pin point triggers for some health issues (it kind of worked similar to these challenges though, as a daily thing I had to prioritize) - which lead to eating so much healthier, and is something that became a lifestyle shift. My point is, this method has been so helpful for me shift and LIVE what my true priorities are, and as I take a moment to reflect, it is truly amazing how these lead to some complete lifestyle changes that have helped my mind, body, soul health.

So. I'd like to continue.



Challenge #1
Right now, at this point in my life, I am not sure I will be able to continue with music to the degree I have been this past year, without something like this monthly challenge...and because it has been so helpful, inspiring, healing, and such a great learning opportunity, I think I am going to do another round. I am unsure if I will hold myself to the songs having to be tiny but I will be creating/recording one original song per month and I think at this point, I will continue it on Patreon. Check it out if you'd like to follow along (you can opt out at any time). It is truly amazing to think about how I've created 12 decently-ish recorded original songs this past year, and I love the thought of continuing that. It has opened my eyes and ears in so many ways (which I should probably put into a separate blog post ;) ).



Challenge #2
Two years ago, I had an idea, but I was afraid it was stupid...well, I was afraid others would think it was stupid. It was too simple and I feared no one else would see the value in it. This idea popped back into my head recently, and without much thought, I realized it is something Iiiii feel is important and beneficial to me. And that is enough reason to do it. I will share more about this soon, but the basics: 365 days of looking up. Right now, I posted Day 1 on instagram  - I haven't decided if that is where I will be posting the project as a whole, or elsewhere...I honestly haven't thought through any of these challenges just yet, but I know I want to jump in and do them. Anyway, I will be taking a photo of the sky each day. Simple, yes, but I'll share more behind the why soon.





Challenge #3
I completely dropped the ball on this last year. I had a second creative challenge I wanted to do in 2017, but only achieved a very small portion of it. It was to do a total of 6 modeling shoots (in which I am the model). Let's try that again this year. Photographers, if you're reading this and interested in collaborating, please get in touch. (Note: I do think I will be having to chop the hair this year, but would really like to utilize this length while I have it!)




I have many other things I'd like to bring into my life more, and do intend to work on them...but this is where I am starting - and starting somewhere often has far reaching ripples. I want to appreciate what I have, and use it to the fullest, now. I want to do the things I love, while I can, starting now. That is how to love the life you live. Waiting for the day when life will magically give me the things I feel I need in order to move forward, or waiting for life to just give me more time, it doesn't work like that. I need to take initiative and realize my life is made up of my choices. I can't control everything, and I wouldn't want to. But I can choose how to react, I can choose what I do with where I am, with what I have. I can choose to value and act upon the things I feel are important to me, not just talk about it or hope I get to do those things some day. And I don't need anyone else's approval or permission to value what I feel is important to me.

Someone recently shared this video with me (a commencement speech by Neil Gaiman), and I found it incredibly inspiring. It also echoed some of what I feel inside, for why I do what I do, yet when the world seems to tell you otherwise, it is easy to feel like you're wrong, or crazy.

Goodbye 2017.



Hello 2018.

Pieces of Projects from Pieces of Life

Currently, I am working on a handful of projects... Some of them have been waiting for quite some time, as I have struggled to find the materials I have in mind ... This is one of those projects. I had finally put into words the meaning the copper heart pendants had for me ... and have been asked a few times to consider including that WITH the pendants. Since everything used to make the pendants is scrap/repurposed/second-hand, I wanted whatever I made this part of to also be some form of eco-friendly. I am kind of surprised at how difficult it has been to locate eco-friendly paper options in town, and the online options are quite expensive that I just can't do right now. But that is ok.. because I got creative with it and realized I already have everything I need. I used an envelop - that happened to be from a friend's wedding invite, so it makes me smile to be using something like that (every element of these pendants are going to be filled with love and goodness!) ... I used a typewriter I am borrowing from a friend, which worked perfectly because I wasn't sure how else to print it on such odd sized pieces of paper. I made mistakes. All kinds of them. And there is no CTRL+Z on this machine. But part of the "beauty" of the actual pendants is in their imperfections ... just like us humans ... and just like our lives.

I wanted these printed on paper thin enough to fold - like...origami. A while ago, I learned how to fold paper hearts, for a specific reason ... I would put messages/quotes on them for someone who meant something to me, who was going through some tough times, as little bits of inspiration or things to hopefully light up a smile ... As I've mentioned in the past, the heart shape has taken on a wider meaning for me, it isn't just this lovey dovey thing ... there is a speaker (Kyle Cease) who really opened up my mind on love - he said that each of us, as individuals, we ARE love. When we realize that, we realize we can spread/share love in so many more ways than just relationships, we can just BE it, we don't have to go out trying to GET it ... we don't have to feel down because we don't have it (from others), because we ARE it ... (and realizing we ARE it also allows us to realize we are complete as is ... we don't have to get the rest of ourselves from others - this gets pretty complex to write out ... if you are interested, I highly suggest checking out some of Kyle's videos - I linked to his youtube which is loaded with incredible content) ... and we become so much more open to the various ways to receive love. Hearts/love also are a reminder for me to come from a place of love - vs fear (also a thing I learned from Kyle Cease) ... to tune into my heart, and listen... to be my truest self...and follow that truth. Much of this was also behind the motivation for creating the paper hearts for this person ... and of course, hearts can be used to show that you care. I also think there is a neat little bit of symbolism to this ... in order to read/see what is inside, you must "open your heart" ... 

People come and go from our lives for a variety of reasons. A quote that has always stuck with me regarding this was from a random person who was photographed by the Humans of New York fellow ... this woman said "When my husband was dying, I said: 'Moe, how am I supposed to live without you ?' He told me: 'Take the love you have for me and spread it around.'” Sometimes when we care about someone, and they leave our lives for some reason, it feels like love also goes/dies... because we don't get to give that to them anymore, nor do we get to feel it from them. This quote + Kyle Cease's work reminds me that that isn't necessarily true ... Those who truly mean something to us, chances are they changed our lives and changed us in some way ... to remember what you've learned from them, to remember the care/love you've felt from them, and spread that around in creative ways is a way to "carry them on" in a sense ... to honor them ... this person, who I had made paper hearts for, with meaningful words within, had been a huge inspiration in so many ways for me. And while I unfortunately may not be able to keep the actual human, I may not be able to continue giving paper hearts to them ... and as sad as all of this can feel ... the lessons, the memories, the inspiration, the love from and for this person are a part of me, and I can carry it on and spread it all around. It lives on in a different form ... the person lives on in a different form ... and to do this is the best way I can think of to say "Thank you" for existing, for the moments with you, and for what you've brought to my life ... and that will all live on.

When I was thinking about how to include the meaning of these pendants, everything I've shared here just connected at one point, and it felt the paper hearts were fitting for this ... with their personal history/meaning, with the materials used, and with the symbolism.

Here is the written meaning of the inspiration behind the copper pendants themselves, that is imperfectly typed onto folded paper hearts ...

This pendant is made of scrap wire, hammered on concrete, symbolizing the times in life we feel beaten. The yarn serves as a forget-me-knot to keep a softness in our heart. The pendant represents that no matter what we go through, we can choose to BE love, kindness, compassion, whatever we want to be...and we can choose to make something beautiful.

Delayed post - May thoughts

When I work on something, I do my best. When I am passionate about it on top of that, I will completely throw myself into the project. I will skip "self-care" things like sleep, or whatever necessary. Now, there is a time and a place I am sure, but I think today I was meant to learn a few things...

The past two days, I have been working on my recording for May's song. I have been pretty excited about the song, it is fun to play and it is freshly created just a couple weeks ago. Seeing it progress has been really cool, and I am glad I have the footage of its growth to look back on some day. Once it got to the final days of recording, I ran into numerous issues. This has been common, so far, even though I have been trying to find ways to embrace/learn from/reduce the issues... The technical issues can be really frustrating, but I know that I am learning and it is part of figuring out what my equipment is capable of in an at-home setting. Day one actually went pretty well. I actually thought I could release the song a day early! However, upon review, the sound was clipping. I was puzzled, as GarageBand let's you know if it is clipping, and I was sure to adjust my settings to be well within a healthy range. After discussing the issue with a friend, I had a few things to try out in the morning. I woke up early, hoping it would give me plenty of time before the neighborhood started getting a bit noisier with people moving around. It did not take terribly long to fix the clipping issue - the first option and attempt worked! Hypothetically this should be a slam dunk. However, a series of events took place involving outside people/factors - most of which were completely outside of the house. Now, all of these people are just going about their day. I realize they aren't trying to ruin my project, or my life. During these few hours, the amount of factors outside of my control were becoming overwhelming. I struggled to come up with creative solutions. The best I could do was try to pound out as many attempts, working around all the external noises, and hope that some of the noises were swallowed up by the electric guitar. After playing a song for a few hours, fatigue sets in, and pains act up - of the fingers, the wrists, the shoulder, feet, the whole body...and mind. Things started to unravel quickly, including time. Once my fingers hurt too much to consistently be able to press the guitar strings down (a fairly important piece of making notes ;) ), I had to call it quits and hope that I had gotten something useable.

While I would have loved to have just jumped into listening and editing what I had recorded for the past half of a day, I realized this may be a good opportunity to utilize somethings I have been working on to help with patience and peace. I could feel I was tense and stressed, to continue carrying that through out the day wasn't going to make life any easier. So I took a breather. I made a healthy delicious meal, and laid in the hammock outside with a book: Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. I am already in the process of a few books, but they involve some extra work and I just wanted to read a bit (only to find out this book also comes with some extra work/exercises ;) ). It was such a perfect book to help regain some inner balance and perspective. And that brief period of time was much needed in terms of self-care.

It lead me to ponder: Can I be dedicated and passionate, but still practice good self-care? Or reduce unnecessary compromises? Can I be a hard worker, yet not at the expense of mental/emotional/physical health? I am working on this balance. The trick it to remember these things in the moment, when the work and pressure is weighing on your shoulders... and even though I may love what I do, I must remember to love myself as well.

Affiliate disclaimer: NFG (artist) is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. What this essentially means is that if you use the links to the book in this blog to purchase the books for yourself, I would earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. That being said, I would suggest these books regardless of how you choose to purchase and read/purchased them well before signing up for the affiliate program. :)

Getting weird with it

Pondering today: Limitations as opportunity for creativity. 

There are things we learn how to do, based off of how other people were taught how to do, based off of how people before them learned how to, based off of how other people created the technique accomplish the task. And then we can end up thinking that that is the only way. 

Life has thrown some interesting bumps in the road. At times, it feels like I am plagued with limitations. At other times, I realize that I am getting exactly what I wanted, just not in the way I wanted it. To live a life like art, where creativity is a part of my every day existence - not just the occasional opportunity to make what we obviously can recognize as art. This has transformed my entire life, shifting this perspective. What once would have been viewed as dead-ends and hopelessness turn into the weirdest techniques, ideas, and paths I never could have imagined. 

With the variety of physical health issues that I have accumulated over the past 8+ years, there have been many things I never thought I’d be able to do or continue doing. A devastating thought in the beginning, for someone in their early 20’s. However, at the same time, I have done things I never thought possible, even prior to the health issues. And I have slowly been creating new ways to do the other things I never thought would be an option. At times, it seems like it would be so nice to just be normal. To be able to do the things “normal” people can, without everything having to be what can feel like a constant struggle, riddled with pain. 

From cooking, to painting, to music-ing, to traveling, to basic day to day activities (some as simple as sitting). Things I thought I lost forever, things I just didn’t think I could ever figure out, things I didn’t think I could ever do with out crippling pain.

The past couple days, I have been working on wire heart pendants, I was asked to make one for someone in specific. However, I am out of wire that others have stripped for me … which means I have to do it on my own. This can be a challenge with the physical “limitations” - pain, weakness, etc. It wasn’t long into the process before my hands and arms were hurting, and I was almost working up a sweat from the struggle. I tried a different tool. Improvement. Today, I decided to do a few more pendants, trying to let the wire/ideas flow to see what comes out - while searching for the perfect fit for this custom request. Still struggling to get that coating off of the wire. I added another technique suggested by a friend. More improvement. This is where things get weird. Sort of by accident, I started using my hands AND feet. I am shocked at how much easier it made the process! I am flying through it! With less physical energy exerted, less pain, less scrunched up constipated faces and grunting, and a greatly reduced risk of black eyes and knocked out teeth ... more wire, more pendants, more excitement, more creativity. Freedom.

There is a “proper” way to do this (or that), that works, and is no big deal to some people. That way wasn’t working well for me. For a while, I accepted that I just can’t do it, and will need someone else to do it, which then can be limiting, because then my art depends on other people. Collecting suggestions and stumbling upon my own twist, I felt a sense of freedom and excitement! 

I wanted to share, because not only is it super helpful/handy for those who may also struggle to do this (or that), but it is sort of entertaining/silly so maybe you’ll get a chuckle. So I am sharing. Laugh if you’d like. And I also hope that it inspires to think outside the box. Yes, there are ways to do things that can work, and that have been proven. But IF that doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t necessarily mean you can not achieve your end goal. Sometimes it is a matter of a little creativity and a change of perspective. Instead of a limitation, perhaps it is an opportunity. Instead of viewing limitation as a door slammed in your face, perhaps there is a door in the floor, or the ceiling that you could use instead? Maybe there is a window? And any of those doors may be far more interesting/innovative than the regular old door anyway. ;)

There was a book that touches on this kind of thing, that a friend gave me to read last year: Move Into Life It talks about the importance to changing up daily habits, to wake up from automatic mode, which will keep our brain alive and thriving/growing.  

Affiliate disclaimer: NFG (artist) is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. What this essentially means is that if you use the links to the books in this blog to purchase the books for yourself, I would earn a small commission. That being said, I would suggest these books regardless of how you choose to purchase (if you choose to purchase) and read/mentioned them well before signing up for the affiliate program. :) And will ONLY ever post these if I truly find them beneficial/helpful. 

Expansion...

I have been trying to think of interesting things to add to this new Patreon experience for my music challenge... while I have loads of unrelated ideas, I want to be sure I keep this focused on the music for the time being. I don't know if this is at all interesting to anyone else, but I was plunking around on the piano recently, trying to remember a song I wrote years and years (and years) ago (which may be February's tune)... it wasn't pretty, but I recorded some of it. Given my experience with January, and how I found myself wondering if professional musicans are just perfect human beings (and something I'll never be), I thought it would be interesting to try to document some of the "unpretty" parts... the beginning stages... the parts we don't typically want others to see... Now hopefully this section isn't just going to be filled with painful notes and frustrated grunts that will just give you (and me) a headache, but I am creating a "Patreon Patrons only" section to my website, where this content can be watched, laughed at, and maybe make "failed perfectionists" (such as myself) realize there isn't shame in imperfections... this is the process of growth!

If this does sound appealing, the new tier will be available for $5/month... where you will receive the password for the Patreon Patron's section of my website, and of course it includes the previous tier's reward of listening/downloading the final song on Patreon.

I'm not sure what I am getting myself into with this... but I figure it gives me a chance to use this new computer investment more fully, learn the iMovie program, play with basic video editing again, and document the creative process. Plus, maybe it will be helpful to see where I start versus where I end up in a month's time! So if you're interested in more than just still photos from Facebook/Patreon and would like to see some of the other pieces of the puzzle, check it out: www.patreon.com/NFGartist (the $5/month level).

January's experience of the 2017 music challenge

It seems like January flew by. Admittedly, I thought this first song wasn't going to be terribly difficult, as it is pretty short and it was already written a couple years ago, and I actually remembered how to play it! The hurdles I knew existed definitely posed a challenge. (recap on 2017's musical challenge)

I have done a lot of inner work to release the need to be a perfectionist... yet as I listen to each recording attempt, I get to pick apart every mistake, inconsistency, imperfection... I continue to re-record, in hopes that the next time will be perfect, only to fall short. This should be interesting to see how this develops over the year - is it possible to achieve perfection? I seem to have this idea in my head that professional musicians may actually be completely perfect!

The arm was was definitely a factor during this... I can't only play the song so many times before I'm icing my shoulder. Still have to feel out how to deal with the physical health issues, but I'm looking forward to seeing what happens with this - even though it may be a painful process. ;)

It was good to have the chance to play around on the new computer and experience a newer version of GarageBand. The program was quite overwhelming at first with all of the new features (my computer and version of this program is quite old!), but I figured out how to record sound and that was exciting in itself! On top of that, I am playing around with some of the other settings, adding multiple tracks, etc. Thrilled the "white noise" effect I had on my older computer seems not to exist anymore!

So while the final recording may not be quite perfect...there was plenty of good stuff about this experience. I just hope the generous and supportive patrons feel it was worth their while too!

I realized that even though I am on a deadline, why not allow myself to re-record at some point down the line if I have the chance to do it better (as I learn) or to add additional instruments/layers? Of course I need to make the focus each month on a new song, but who knows, maybe some will go smoothly. ;)

This final day of recording was interesting... I didn't have as much time as I was hoping, there were snowplows driving up and down the street and shovelers, I wasn't feeling very well, and my arm hasn't recovered from yesterday's recording session...to name a few. Yet today is when I learned a few new things about GarageBand and my level of listening seemed to deepen. I'm noticing subtle things in my surroundings to pay attention to, as well as subtleties in the recordings (which sometimes just drives me nuts ;) ). As silly as it may sound, I even played around with the shaker in new ways and paid attention to the slight variations found within that instrument. I didn't do anything incredible with this recording or anything, but all that I've learned has me excited for the next tune.




If you'd like to join the project, it can be found here... For $1/month, you get to hear and download the tiny, original song of the month. Thanks for the support!

Here's to additional growth/lessons ... embracing a process that can sometimes be painful...and to reconnecting with "lost" passions. And of course doing something out of your comfort zone...which reminds me, I actually have to release this song now, don't I? ;)

www.patreon.com/NFGartist

Music challenge of 2017: a bit of backstory

I thought I would share some additional information regarding the new creative challenge of 2017, what Patreon is, and why I have decided to use it as the platform for this project.

I covered the next two paragraphs on my Facebook artist page and on my Patreon page, so feel free to skip that part if you already saw those posts: 

Patreon is similar to Kickstarter... except it is for ongoing projects rather than a single project that needs funding. It is a way for people to support creatives - to allow them to keep doing what they do best. The creatives have various "rewards" for different payment levels, these are things they give to those who become "patrons" or supporters/participants of their creative journey. Some charge per project, others charge once a month. There is a huge range of talent over here, pretty inspiring! 

How I am starting out with this, is with a specific year long project. I want to create/record one original small song (probably 1-2 min. or less) a month and release it through Patreon. If you would like to participate/support this project, it is $1/month (which is basically you pay $1 and get to hear and download the monthly original song - the song is yours to keep - and also get to enjoy whatever other content I share over there). I guess I am almost using it as a “shop” in a way or like one of those monthly subscription that we see a lot of these days that involve paying per month for something that interests you yet has an element of surprise (I don't know what to expect from these songs, so it is a surprise for me too!). 

So, music... 

Music was my first love. As a little kid, I would set up buckets like a drum set and use pencils (specifically with big erasers) as drumsticks. I used the vacuum cleaner handle to belt out tunes. I really loved my tiny kiddie keyboard. When I was eight, I started piano lessons. When I was in eighth grade, I started drum lessons. Soon after that, I found a new kind of music in the form of the band Creed, which blew my mind - from lyrics to the incredible guitar picking, it took music to a much deeper level for me. I just felt this need to be able to play these songs, so I started to teach myself guitar. The song I started with was What's This Life For (here is the guitar book on Amazon or check out the My Own Prison album on Amazon). I also started composing music on the computer. As an adult, I've added dabbling in ukulele and xylophone.

I used to be able to sit at the piano (or with any instrument really) and play for hours. However, in my early twenties, some health issues crept up and has made it difficult to continue to play music, especially like I once could, much like some of the struggles I have talked about with art. With art, I have been able to find new ways to create: I've embraced smaller works, and I have expanded the range of mediums/materials so that I can bounce around between several projects depending on what I can physically do and what I feel inspired by. I haven't found tricks like this with music yet, I don't know if they exist. I have been grateful to be able to play a few songs, once in a great while - as that can sometimes be difficult in itself! 

Much like embracing small works of art, I have had several small songs that have come about through the years. I tend to devalue them, because they aren't full length or anything terribly amazing. However, there is something kind of neat about them that I thought would be interesting to explore. And while I explore, I thought it may also be time to start opening up this creative outlet to share...

I think I may stop there for now, and continue this another day. 

Thanks for your support, in any form. :)

To join the project on Patreon: www.patreon.com/NFGartist

Affiliate disclaimer: NFG (artist) is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.   ...What this essentially means is that if you use the Amazon links in this blog (which I tried to label as such) and make a purchase, I would earn a small commission. That being said, I would suggest these things regardless of how you choose to purchase (if you choose to purchase).