One week in, ramblings...

A week's worth of meditating (brief attempts) and painting, and this is what's coming out.

An honest peek inside my head: I still don't feel like I know what I'm doing... I still wonder how stupid and pointless this may seem to others...or even to myself. I can't tell if any of these are "turning out" or not...some I really don't think are even remotely "good"... This is taking up far more time that I'd like, I'm not sure why I thought it wouldn't. I haven't felt necessarily "good" or proud of anything at this point. Just an honest peek at the inner gunk... I am allowing myself to feel these negative things, since they're there, and just want to be heard for a moment. What's more important is what happens when I actually get going on a painting- most of these things quiet down to an extent. Phew. ;)

Some positive and cool things ARE happening though...

I can already feel my brain getting more active... my ideas and creativity are starting to rev up again. I'm trying to pace myself, but at the same time, I think if I'm moved to do so, I can allow myself to explore some of these ideas outside of this project's guidelines. Just something I'll have to play by ear.

My curiosity about the medium is expanding -  I had written it off long ago and said I just CAN'T work with it. - In reality, I was fighting my personal "style" and trying to conform to how I thought the medium should be used and how the end result should look. I was holding myself to unfair standards and stifling my own unique interpretation of what watercolor art could be. I don't know that I've fully unleashed it yet, but it is kind of neat to see what comes out, and this is really the only way to find out.

I'm enjoying seeing COLOR. Wisconsin winter's can be quite gloomy. And for the past year or so, I have felt cooped up in a variety of ways - literally and figuratively.

I was asked if I think these abstract paintings have meaning. I usually am not interested in sharing that information (I like to leave it up to the viewer to see/feel whatever it stirs within them), or I don't think too much about it. I enjoy NOT putting too much thought into some of this stuff, allowing the feeling/intuition just spill out. But that question has me wondering and thinking about the possibilities after some of these are complete. And while I am creating, I am noticing some more concrete feelings/ideas develop as the piece develops, which then can lead it in a certain direction...but what is even cooler is if that idea/feeling changes, I am still allowing myself to change direction - something I didn't think you could do with watercolor! NOTE: for every single one of these, I have no PLAN. Even when I start making marks on the paper, I don't have an idea in mind. Tell me, what do you see/feel when you look at them? :)

There is just something amazing about being able to create something, essentially out of thin air... or limited materials. These paintings are created with simple materials, without much experience or space. It could be a whole other post about the effects CREATING can have on the mind and soul. It truly is a wonderful feeling that I wish everyone could experience in one way or another - you don't have to be an artist! ;)

And you know what? I've already created 7 brand new, unique, one of a kind pieces of art. That's amazing for so many reasons. After my college experience, I didn't feel passion for art anymore. It returned, but shortly after, I started dealing with some health issues, and was sure at that point that I had lost art forever. I was not physically capable of doing what I had been doing, of what I've been doing my whole life. It was devastating. Art felt like a part of me. And it felt like that was ripped away. I eventually learned to open up my mind, explore different mediums, different sizes (small work was discouraged in college, but now I've fallen in love with it), and I got creative with my abilities, my time, my space, everything... I had to learn to work with what I have in that moment. This has been challenged and morphed several times over the years...with more and more hurdles to adapt to. The most recent challenges have lead me here, to a medium I hated and had no interest in. Letting go of my history with it, my ideas/expectations of it and myself, I'm already feeling significant changes within me.

In my situation right now, I don't have much in terms of money, space, know-how, talent, physical ability, etc..But I have discovered that at my core, I love being creative, in all aspects of life. Therefore, these "limitations" become unique opportunities if I choose to see them that way. Granted, I don't always want to immediately view them that way and they can be incredibly frustrating, depressing, annoying...and I'm finally ok with allowing myself to feel these things...so long as I am able to see past that eventually, and realize that when I'm ready, they're simply brand new chances to expand.

These challenges I've been giving myself are not so much about the art, but about valuing my love of creating and making that a priority in my life.

I haven't been producing art/creative work at this pace in a long long time. That in itself feels pretty darn good.

I have yet to complete the final step to my assignment - send out the paintings. I'm admittedly nervous about that too - what if the person I send it to hates it? Or throws it away? What if I send it to someone I haven't talked to in a long time - I've developed some "social anxiety" like issues and have some fears opening up again. What if I can't think of someone? What do I write/say? Blah blah blah. It should be interesting to complete this step and see how it feels and if it changes throughout the project. :)

So... one week in and I'm still clueless. But I'm slowly accepting that and realizing that is completely ok...which leads me to feeling more and more free.

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6

Day 7

Day 1...A new challenge.

Almost immediately, I started having second thoughts and regrets about this new challenge idea...

I didn't get much sleep, I woke up anxious, with all sorts of other silly issues... I've been trying out meditation (or what I think is meditation) each morning, for about 10-20 minutes to hopefully change the way I wake up to be more positive and gentle rather than stress-filled. Admittedly, I didn't even want to do that! But I did.

This challenge has been tugging at me since I've decided to do it, but once again, it feels like a million things are in the way and the excitement I felt about it initially has already drained a decent amount.

Well, there will never be a "perfect time" to start...

After the first two lines on the paper I could tell I was trying too hard and was stuck in my head. The thing that I loved about the couple of watercolor paintings I did last year was that I could just feel it out-not think through it. It was a freeing experience. Not even a minute into this challenge and I was already screwing it up. :P

It was interesting to just watch the levels of discomfort and discouragement appear. Boy we sure can beat ourselves up... I've been following the work of Kyle Cease, and this is something he talks about a lot. But if we can remain "in the room" often times we'll see a lot of this fear and negativity just disappear. And if not, it is an opportunity to examine it a bit closer - which leads you to a deeper understanding of yourself.

One of my issues was I had this mentality that I should complete the paintings quickly...well that's just ridiculous, I don't really work that way when it comes to art. It is based off of feeling. I can't rush it, and I can't just put forth partial effort. I started feeling the pressure of time - an hour is already gone! But eventually, I realized I'm going to be incredibly disappointed in myself and my work if I work this way. So ignoring the clock, I got myself back in the zone...

I was obviously fighting this whole "freeing" experience on a variety of levels, I'm not feeling free in any way in my life right now though. It took a bit of time, but eventually I remembered the fact that this experience is mine...and it CAN be freeing, even if other parts of my life aren't feeling that way. I just have to adjust a few things. I had a million fears and a million more reasons to doubt this idea and my ability and if this was stupid or not, if anyone will like it, if I will even like what I create, etc when I came up with the idea, so of course they're all going to appear again when I actually begin, and at full force! But at one point in time, I saw value/potential in this project. I have no way of predicting where it will go, and I have no expectations. In the very least, I get to experiment with art, and with a medium I am not familiar with or at all comfortable with - and I love learned new things and playing in this way! And one of the most basic ideas behind this is to just DO art. That is never a waste in my eyes!

Anyway...this is kind of rambly and I'm not sure the purpose... I guess I just wanted to make note of some of the feelings I experienced right off the bat. I think a lot of us feel nervous and scared when faced with something new/unknown. And I think that can be a big enough reason we sometimes run in the opposite direction. But it is important to remember we get to make that choice.

While I still feel all sorts of stuff I'd rather not feel, I am glad to have jumped in and I am working to open myself back up to this experiment, fully. Here we go....

Day 1:

 

 

 

These paintings will be available for 24 hours after posting them on a first come first serve basis for $5 through my facebook artist page  If they are still available after that time frame, I get to send to whoever I want (family, friend, stranger, etc!).

 

If you can not afford the fee but would like the opportunity to get one of these at some point, private message me on my artist page and I can collect a list so in case I need some ideas of who to send some too. :) (no guarantees and it will be randomly selected)

 

 

A new challenge...

I've spent the majority of the past

3-4 months sick, in bed...and I'm,

well, sick of it! Time to get creative!

I've had ideas for new projects/challenges for 2016, but so far they haven't been possible, or I keep getting sick, or something else happens. And then you know what happens? I'm bummed I'm not creating. A new idea popped into my head, and while there are still a few kinks to work out, it isn't as heavily reliant on technology, or other people, or having anything special for a working space...and I have most of the materials.

I was sorting through some of my belongings (I've been downsizing for quite a while now, and the process continues)... I stumbled across some watercolor pencils. Honestly, when I first tried them out, I really didn't like them-because if you recall, I hated watercolor and am no good with that medium. I then learned you can paint on faces with them! Up until now, that's what I've used them for most-whether for silliness or for self portraits.

My brain started connecting a few dots...

A week or two ago, I was randomly doodling. I've done a lot of this in my lifetime, it really isn't anything, I sort of let the hand make interesting shapes, then play around with values. Usually these doodles randomly pop up in assignment notebooks, calendars, notebooks, scrap paper, etc. and are nothing special. Well I thought these recent doodles were kind of neat, and reminded me a little bit of how that watercolor painting I did for a 2015 giveaway was done. These would be really neat to try in watercolor, I thought.

Random doodles

 

Right now, I don't have a good place to do regular watercolor (or much art actually!), but watercolor pencils can work in a variety of ways... perhaps I could do them even in bed! -I've been sick a lot this winter...

This is the plan I've come up with: instead of dealing with the shop or letting them pile up, I will post
these mini watercolor paintings to facebook, for $5 (via paypal) they can belong to whoever wants them - first come first serve basis. You guys get first dibs! After 24 hours if no one has claimed the painting, I will send it as a card to someone of my choice - whether a complete stranger, an old friend, a friend without facebook, my grandparents, a neighbor, etc. - I'll create these in a way where they can be used as cards, so whoever purchases has the choice of using as a card or print. 

My challenge is to do one every day for 30 days.



The watercolor painting from May 2015's Art Giveaway. The paintings for

this challenge will be smaller, so they fit in a standard envelop, but will also

be in a format that allows them to be used as a greeting card or a print. I also

plan to try watercolor pencils, rather than regular watercolor. Should be

interesting to see how different the results are!

I honestly don't know how they'll turn out since I am not a watercolor artist, and lack experience with watercolor pencils...admittedly I'm nervous! BUT these will be one of a kind! And I'm excited to experiment and see what I learn from this challenge.

So there it is...

To sum it up: I will do a mini watercolor painting, able to be used as a print or card, every day for 30 days. It will be posted to facebook, first person who wants it ($5 via paypal) gets it - and it will be sent out right away in a regular envelop, through regular mail. After 24 hours, if no one has purchased, I will get to use it to send a note to a loved one, a stranger, an old friend, etc. - basically after 24 hours, it will be gone one way or another.                                                            

NOTE: my challenge is to do a painting daily, but I may not post them daily as it is not always possible for me to have computer/internet access. They will all be posted though, as soon as possible, and the 24 hour countdown for availability begins upon the posting time.

To purchase, simply comment on the image that you want to do so. Then through PM we can coordinate paypal and mailing address.

If you want to get notified when I post (facebook) so you don't miss a painting, hover over the "Liked" button at the top of the page (by the cover image), and then you have two options... click "All On":

 

 

OR

 

Then select what you'd like to get notifications about:

(I would think selecting at least just "photos" will keep you covered for this challenge)

Now I don't want to be obnoxiously posting for the 24 hours a painting is available, so this really would be the best way to make sure you keep up with this project. Facebook limits the notifications to 5 per day, so if you do choose to receive notifications, you also won't have to worry about that getting obnoxious.

I don't think I am going to set limits on how many you can purchase. So if you buy one, and you end up seeing another you like, you won't be restricted. And you are welcome to give these to someone else-like I will be, send a note to a friend! Or just give the gift of art to someone who may enjoy it.

And since I plan to send these in a regular envelope, there shouldn't be any restrictions as far as location like there was with shipping giveaway items. This is open to all! Plus, I should be able to get these out MUCH faster than the art giveaways of 2015 (still trying to finish some of those babies up! I haven't forgotten about you!)

Alright. So. That's the new experiment! Let me know if you have any questions. Stay tuned for the beginning... ;)

PS- If you or someone you know would like one of these, but cannot afford it, please send me a PRIVATE MESSAGE through the NFG (artist) facebook page and I can use these names/addresses as an option for the paintings that do not get purchased when I get to choose who to send to - it would end up being totally random, and no guarantees this person will be selected, but thought it may be a fun idea in case I don't have someone in mind. :)

December's Art Giveaway 2015 - The Finale

What a crazy year...It flew by at high speed.

This is the very last art giveaway for my year long challenge. Initially, it seemed like this project would be manageable-I mean a month is a decent amount of time, right? Part of the reason I did this was because I had struggled the year prior to keep art/creating as a priority. Life always seemed to get in the way, and granted, there have been some pretty big things that have hijacked my time, but I just couldn't stand the thought of that continuing to prevent me from doing what I love. There had to be a way...

Each month seemed to slip right between my fingers, it didn't matter if I had my idea for the giveaway well ahead of time or not, it always seemed to come down to the wire. There were a few I had planned out, that wouldn't work, and I'd be forced to come up with something at the last minute. Others, I lost my spark of inspiration for the initial idea, or a new spark took over. I think between the creative factors, technology issues, and my personal life, there was something (or often times multiple things) every single month that got in the way, nearly ending the project. It really was a heck of a test.

So... for the grand finale!

DEADLINE: Thursday, January 7th, 12pm (central)

Basically, the prize is YOUR CHOICE... and you get to pick from any of the past 11 months of giveaways!

January: Echo painting
February: Fingerless glove...this time, we have camo cuffs with brown to finish them off-possibly better for men (wrist is a bit big)
March: A print from a collaborative photo by Andrew Kufahl and me...and for this round, we have 2 different options for you! One is a concept photo from an early shoot we had. The second is from a modeling shoot-and one of my favorite modeling shots I've been a part of.
April: Wire heart pendant with yarn (all repurposed materials)
May: A watercolor painting (NOT framed)
June: The 24 HOUR PROJECT ebook that I did with Andrew Kufahl (1 concept photo, every hour, for 24 hours...trailer)
July: A knitted heart pillow...same color scheme as the fingerless gloves that are up for grabs this month...camo and brown mix, with a camo heart. (The camo is actually left over from projects my grandma has created...probably my camo slippers!)
August: Well...this is pretty much April's giveaway, but I had a twist-the winner is suppose to GIVE this one away. So you can do that for December's giveaway too-heck, any item you can choose to give if you'd like. :)
September: A print of YOUR CHOICE of any of my self portraits. I haven't had a chance to order the one for September's winner yet (Sorry Jason!), but my plan was to test out an eco-friendly printer. So as long as everything goes smoothly, I would most likely go through the same company. You can take a peek here or many of them can also be found on my website.
October: A heart ornament/frame, which can hold 2 of your own personal photos which I will print off for you, so the frame can be stitched up and ready to hang when you receive it.
November: A mini photo session for your pet (I am highly allergic to cats unfortunately) 

 To enter, go to my facebook page and comment on the announcement video with which one you would like.

 Thank you so much for your support and participation. This project has been a very good thing during a challenging year and I am so thankful to have had creating be a part of my life EVERY single month again, no matter what. :)

November's Art Giveaway 2015

I'm a little nervous for this month's giveaway... There are more restrictions than normal, and while I'm really excited about it, I just don't know what the turn out will be. That was something I realized early on that I had to be ok with-if no one enters, if no one is interested. So now I guess I really get to face that fear! And that is a large part about this process, to push myself to just DO the creative things I'd like to do, and to have an outlet for them where someone else will hopefully get something they enjoy out of it.

Recently, I stumbled across some photos of dogs that I have taken over the years. I have loved dogs my whole life, and I really enjoy photographing them. They each have their own personality, and trying to capture that personality is so much fun. Growing up, I took a TON of photos of my dog, and am so glad I did. Photos of moments/those pieces of personality are often all we're able to keep as life flies by.

So... I thought I would offer a mini photo session (30 minutes) for your pet. I am unfortunately highly allergic to cats, so at this time I can not be in a closed area where kitties live, but I am open to other types of pets and of course dogs (or in the off chance your cat is an outdoor cat, I suppose we could try that?). I'd love to know a little bit about the pet prior, their personality, some of the memorable things they do, what you love about them, so we can figure out the best way to capture this. The photos would be candids, no posed, and while you are welcome to interact with your pet, the session is focused on them (not a family session or anything like that).

Now, I've never done this, and animals have a mind of their own, so I can't guarantee a number of final images, but I'd like to get at least 3 awesome ones for you but there may be more if things go smooth. You'll get the digital versions (cd or email), so you can print/frame however you'd like.

I am open to doing the session when it snows, indoors, waiting until the weather is nice, whatever you think will be most fitting.

 

DEADLINE: Monday Dec 7, 12pm (central)

 

To enter, as usual, simply comment on the November's Art Giveaway announcement video on facebook (or on this blog post I suppose would work)

 

Here are a few of my favorite photos I've taken of some wonderful furry friends...

 

This is Cubby... my dog when I was growing up...
He was as close to perfect as it gets, we were very lucky to
have him in our lives. He was one of my earlier models when
I first started learning photography-this is actually shot with
a film SLR.

Cubby in his final days...he was 17 years old, which is amazing,
but I still didn't want to lose him.

Max was in need of a home, so a friend and I did a mini
session with him and his personality just beamed!

 

Unfortunately Max passed away earlier this year,
before he could find that forever home. I am so thankful we were
able to have some really good moments, and to have some photos
that captured what a great dog he was...

This little guy was growing quickly and his owner mentioned
she's barely taken any photos of him.  This stage of cuteness just
 had to be documented! So I took a few photos for her, and
grabbed a few of her other dogs as well.

This pretty girl resides with  the little guy above...

 

This is Sunny, my parents' dog. She has such a sense of humor,
is incredibly curious, and prefers the attention be directed
towards her. ;)

 

 

 



 

Right at home...

This guy... he sure was a good dog. He passed away earlier
this year. He's actually Sunny's daddy.

When he played, he played. And when he was done, he was DONE. ;)

 

This guy's family went through some really difficult times.. he did
his best to comfort and love them. Then he ran into his own struggles...

He got cancer a couple times in his leg, and eventually
needed it amputated. That wasn't going to stop him from
living a happy, active life.

He adapted quickly and was going up/down steps and running around,
faster than I knew was possible for a creature to recover after
such challenges... I ran across him at the perfect time him my life.
I needed that kind of inspiration!



They all have their own stories, and have inspired me in some way... And the thing I find most inspiring is just how full of love they all are.  

 

So, there is it. The second to last giveaway. Good luck! :)



October Art Givaway 2015

My Grandpa passed away last October... I ended up creating some remembrance ornaments for some family members for Christmas- but they don't have to be just Christmas ornaments, these have been out year round.

 

So I thought this would be a good one for this month... And would like to try to get these out to you before the holiday season.

There will be two drawings... one for only people who have not won. The second, anyone and everyone is eligible. And if the winners would like, I will make a second ornament for them, to give to someone else. Two winners, winning two ornaments each.

This does not have to be a remembrance ornament, you can put whatever photo you want in there (as long as you have permission to use it), whether it is for a significant other, or a friend, a pet, etc.  There are two sides, so you are welcome to put two different photos in if you'd like, or use the other side as a place to write a not or include whatever else you see fit. I think it would be easiest if the winners email/facebook message me the photos they would like, I will print it, and then stitch up the ornament. Note: the frame is not your standard shape, so not all photos will work well (if it is a picture of a person/animal, make sure there is enough space around the face so it doesn't get cropped off.. I can see if I can send you a digital sample prior to printing).

The deadline is THIS Friday, November 6, at noon (central). 

Here is the announcement video:

If you're interested, here is some backstory about the heart shape that has been popping up in my work...that shape has grown in meaning over the past few years. It used to just be a heart, symbolizing lovey dovey stuff-not really my thing. But a few years ago, I started seeing hearts all over the place--in weird unexpected places. Often times, it usually happens when I'm going through difficult stuff. It always reminds me to breathe, and to come from a place of love, to reconnect with myself and find that peace within...to open my mind, be more understanding, and to treat others kindly...There are a couple "tricks" though-I can't go looking for them. If I try too hard, they're never there. It always happens when I'm not looking, not expecting. Also, there are times when I think my mind just THINKS it sees this shape, so I ignore it, and then, as if the universe has a sense of humor, I'll see an obvious one or a TON of them all at once--and that's how I started down the path for this frame idea....

I was in a thrift store, difficult stuff was happening in life, and I stumbled across a huge bag filled with wooden heart shapes (someone must have cut them out). I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to purchase these. ;) Plus I've done projects in the past with repurposed/secondhand wood, I knew I'd be able to use them. For the remembrance ornament (and for the ones I'm giving away), a friend helped me cut out the middle, we drilled holes, and then I used some of the secondhand yarn I've been knitting with to stitch up the frame.

Here are a few random heart shapes I've come across unexpectedly out and about.

A public bathroom wall

Passing by some flipflops in a store

Water dripped onto my purse...

Stairwell of a parking ramp...

When laying out in the sun, frustrated that the sun went away...I looked up and smiled.

 There are so many more, some have been just so odd and they are always random, but some more than others. But it never hurts to receive those reminders...

To enter the contest, check out my facebook page and comment on the announcement video that you'd like to enter. Thanks :)

September Art Giveaway 2015

For September's Art Giveaway, I am going back to where my artistic journey really started taking off...when I finally got to start creating original work, purely out of passion/inspiration...when I wanted, how I wanted, why I wanted...Self portraits.

I had always hated my photo being taken. So it may seem odd to have jumped into self portraits...but really, that was the easiest, best way for me to accomplish a few goals: keep on top of my photoshop skills as I job searched (for graphic design), explore photography (one of the few art classes in college I actually enjoyed), and to simply have a creative outlet. Often times this creative urge struck when I was unable to sleep, late at night...er...really really early morning. (more about how I started self portraits can be found here)

I started with a point and shoot. It was a really nice one, with a manual mode option where I had some (though still limited) control over aperture and shutter speed.

I remember one of my earliest ones... when I was still living with my parents. Like a lot of the self portraits in the beginning, I shot it in the bathroom, which provided the best lighting and it was easy enough to do hair/makeup right there. A simple one...I was inspired by a vague makeup idea I wanted to try--I had never been that into makeup, until I realized it could be treated just like painting a canvas. ;)

Eventually, when I moved out onto my own, my locations expanded. As did my bathroom counter space, privacy, and schedule.

More elaborate hair/makeup/wardrobe started to happen...though
the bathroom still remained an excellent shooting location ;)

New wide open spaces to play with

Huge backyard that came with a beautiful creek

Things slowed down while I worked a normal person job for a while, but after I was let go, I jumped back into things, full force. Shortly after, I stumbled across a photographer looking for an assistant... I contacted him, thinking it would be a great way to learn. He had seen my work, and asked me if I'd model for him. I was thrown off, I was NOT a model and still hated my picture being taken... With self portraits, I don't really see them as photos of ME, and I have complete control over every aspect... so if I find something distracting, I have no issues adjusting it in post-it is about creating a piece of art, not capturing the true essence of an individual. It is about the emotions....and I think THAT is what had caught this photographer's eye. (more info about starting in modeling)

Meeting new people, some of them I was
fortunate enough to collaborate with...
Ghost: Seth Nayes

For nearly a year, I continued shooting self portraits and did a good amount of modeling. And then there was the hair incident... I stopped shooting self portraits for years after that. It knocked the wind out of me, I had no inspiration. Once I started working with Andrew Kufahl, inspiration leaked in once again (our first shoots), but I had no desire to shoot it, and hated the thought of having to look at what had happened from beginning to end. Plus, Andrew is a heck of a photographer...and could make any crazy idea of mine come to life. (more about starting to collaborate with Andrew)

Now... the past year has been a crazy one... a lot of challenges, and not a lot of time/space/options to create. I'm stir crazy, to say the least. It took a while, but I finally found ways to get back to making art... playing with watercolor, knitting (more knitting), and guess what? Self portraits. I am overflowing with ideas again, and can't even keep up!

Soo...for this giveaway, you get your choice, of ANY self portrait. I found what seems to be an eco friendly photo printing company, and I am excited to give them a shot (note: I am not sure what kind of turn around time the printing/shipping is going to involve, so just be warned it may take a while to receive this one). Take a look through my self portrait album on facebook (or a more refined one on my website), copy the link to your photo of choice, and paste in the comments of the giveaway announcement video for your chance to win. Deadline is October 9 (NEXT Friday) at 12pm (central)

We are back to the original rules by the way...

Thank you :)